RICHARD HANNAY
Oh I say! A cheap ripoff of me
Good news, Bond, the bell tolls for thee!
You're already afflicted with the wokish poison
Hitchcock and Buchan are not your toys, son.
You bed women, and leave 'em the next morning
Your lack of empathy just has me yawning.
JAMES BOND
You're Scottish and you don't even have the accent
I do say, you need consistency, for it lacks it.
Your book is over a century out of date
Your BBC miniseries did nothing but dissipate.
My films still rake in millions, and I'm a British icon
You're all but forgotten, 'cos your wars are long gone.
RICHARD HANNAY
At least I don't have most of the behaviour you displayed
When you got kicked out of Eton 'cos you fucked a maid
Let's just face it, your series hasn't really aged well,
For your misogyny, you can just as well burn in hell.
Your love for your job just isn't there
You pummelled Goldfinger to death on a plane from his lair.
Speaking of films, my '78 one set the record straight
You're just a grumpy drunk with a bucketload of hate.
JAMES BOND
I'm the face of modern Britain, you're a Boy's Own hero
Got eclipsed by your film? Oh, dearie, dear-o!
May Maxwell will sweep you under the rug
Now go and raise your son, you OBE-holding lug!
Didn't even meet your daddy till you were six
That's the number of your adventures vs. my 25 flicks!
Clanroyden will just watch, like a worthless blood-brother
When I give you the treatment your foes gave to Scudder!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
WE'LL SEE!
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