I.
A PRIMER OF ZWOB
Zwob is a very popular language to use in the world Oak, because of its multiversality. Where it is most commonly spoken, however, are the Vunfraen Empire, the world of Lepsomai, the Telion Kingdoms, and other worlds besides. What one should know is that it is Multiversial Standard Speech with several words replaced, namely with some Greek, some slang and some gibberish. Without further ado, let us introduce some example phrases.
“Hi, hi, hi, there! Can you λέγειν us where the τοποστροθη can be found?” — “Hello, can you tell us where to find the Imperial Shopping Centre?”
“Where is the πενταθλον?” — Where is the sporting game?
“δος ημιν the shlockl”— “give us the money”.
“Destiny runs its δρομος”- destiny runs its course
“έστιν such a gestangelong that I should winzie-glinzie cluck to the Boommarchalais. Incidentally thr’t gwangeous.” — “it’s such a shame that I should run along to the boom market today. Also you’re ugly.”
“Can you please fikkle my glug?” — can you please direct me to the Stivan locomotive station?
“ου nuffie” — “not enough.”
There are also certain pieces of vocabulary that the average reader must learn in order to break down the language into sizeable chunks. This will increase your understanding of it:
Grunkadunks- clean up
Bumphkin- pumpkin/bumpkin
Commandigun — you’re welcome
Cwunjigrun — flowers
Vishnchipy- good/wonderful
Eingeschlangen - clock
Clocked - adjective referring to someone arriving late.
Koroso - good
Guddy — bizarre
Drungie— companion
Drwg— friend
δροινη — hard work, also the origins of the word droine, meaning “robot.”
Gwindiegwung (pl. gwindiegwungen) — god
Schmukkl — fool
Hawshaw— drink (saltwine)
Ubomination — butterfly
Uglikin— beautiful
Omabruvvas — friends (usually used for formal address)
Tekkada — snowman
Βίβλος — book
Χειρός — hand
Τούτος/ταύτη/τούτο — he/she/it
Πόλεμος — war
φωτιά — fire
Herunjie — sapphire
άνοιξη — springstaft
Shummish — summer
φθινόπωρο — autumn
Willywoo — winter
Eingafloogl — excuse me!
Vunginungi — I don’t know.
II.
TYPES OF CULT
The world Oak has several different types of cult. Firstly, there is the patriarchal cult, or domestic cult, which is the cult centred around the gods of the home or family. Here the patriarch is the high priest, hence the name. There are the mystery cults, those who one joins voluntarily but is forbidden to reveal the cult’s secrets to the outside world. Other examples include the urban cult, dedicated to worshipping the gods of a particular city and the hero cult, a cult celebrating the worship of a particular hero. Hero cults are becoming increasingly obsolete, owing to the fact that a city was destroyed because it refused to worship its gods.
Cults primarily recruit their followers at cult fairs, where their representatives stand at stalls and attempt to invite people to join. These include materialistic offers — namely a free mug or two — or manipulation and reverse psychology. Because the gods are real and their existence cannot be doubted, cult fairs are an especially popular event, attracting all species from all worlds and walks of life. Despite their popularity, they only take place once every ten years.
There are of course various multiversal conquerors and emperors who often style themselves as gods, much to the annoyance of several actual existing deities. For some reason, these deities, despite their remarkable power, never seem to endeavour to intervene directly, unless you consider a vampire with bat ears springing out of nowhere and stabbing you in the ribs as well as roasting you in boiling water to count as divine intervention. These emperors often dedicate an imperial cult to themselves, often out of a lack of mental stability or a sense of inflating their own fragile egos, especially if they feel immense pride over the fact that they happen to have four legs, which they may regard as a superior trait. However, only truly megalomaniacal emperors choose this option; there are as many benevolent emperors as there are sinister megalomaniacal ones.
Finally, there is the votive cult. This type of cult is the same as a personal cult, only of ambiguous allegiance. A particularly notable example of this is the Cult of Xemalan, the cult worshipping the blacksmith god of World Mattli. Given that Xemalan is one of the more benevolent deities, nobody actively forces worshippers to be inducted into the cult. Votive offerings of gigantic hammers are offered at the altars. The cult of Xemalan does not accomplish much, all things considered.
Mystery cults also tend to be on opposite sides of the scale from each other. While some are powerful such as the cult of Meter on World Swene, others, such as the Tammerdab Cult of the Righteous God Kattakan on World Neblib are not. Some may be mostly relatively harmless except for the penalty of death which is offered to anyone who violates their secrets, while some may be dangerous conspiracies comprised of the purest evil. For some reason, the cult of Meter was dangerously popular on World Swene. Poets such as Banteb, Homerich, and Desplot were all members, as were several dictators, politicians, arkons, athletes, monsters, kemonomimis, and all other species from all walks of life. Oskar Webster is often said to be a member, but this has never been proven. Needless to say, the dwarfs have a mystery religion of their own but not much is known about it. In World Maliga, a noted king of the Kleptigon species known as Nodward was sentenced to death because he had endeavoured to discover and steal the magic “bug-juice” of the sacred Rites of Vilta.
Another example of a mystery cult is the Knockers of the Forest of Drache, who walk around, engraving the words “Baneep klei autog phall” onto every stone or tree or leaf they can find. Translated from their language, it translates to “Bunyip owns you all”; much like most mystery cults, the identity of the focus of their worship, the aforementioned “Bunyip” is somewhat unknown. The knockers are, ironically, persistent in their belief that Bunyip “owns”, or controls, everyone’s lives. Nobody has ever managed to penetrate the rites, for anyone who does so suffers a similar fate to those who penetrate the secrets of other mystic rites.
Of course the more classically sinister types of cult exist. There is one cult known as the Deharians which is rumoured to at least be hiding under Lake Lalotai. Nothing more is known of this cult, but given that there are discovered to be caverns underneath the lake’s domed surface, just about anything is possible.
III.
THE HISTORY OF TOMNASKAN
Tomnaskan, of the Zath species, a species so ugly that World Mattli’s gods regretted creating them, was born in the settlement of Asthar. At birth, the Fates arranged that his life be bound up in a certain log of firewood. When he was four weeks old, and therefore fully possessed of sentience, his parents moved to Pergamum, where he struggled to fit in among the native Pergamums. He was mocked a lot for his hideous appearance and forced to stay indoors while his parents went in secret to the temple up topside to make peace-offering to Daliar, the god of the Pergamums. While he was there, Tomnaskan studied magic in secret in the Restricted Section of Pergamum’s Great Library, and became one of the select few to learn the magic hand gesture that could allow one to cut between worlds.
Therefore, he emigrated from his world and moved to World Caldwarn, where he became apprenticed to the enchanter Zephyron, whose devious plot to destroy the sun was foiled at the last second by the adolescent wolf Zuba Trebeltauz. Tomnaskan studied dark magic under Zephyron, including the ability to create fleshdolls and kill certain people using said fleshdolls.
What Tomnaskan longed for the most was one thing above all to make up for his terrible ugliness. Therefore, he often tried to seduce princesses using elfin glamour, but his relationships, all born of a need to marry into high status, never worked out for him. Next, he was apprenticed to Dezalaan, a devious enchanter who worked in a hut out in the Nemilots badlands. Dezalaan was also known to be a bit of a person to whom kemonomimi would bring themselves to be molested voluntarily. Tomnaskan learned how to defend against Oomoo magics, when a host of good, noble Oomoo came, plotting to kill Dezalaan for his evil deeds. The Oomoo had become knowledgeable of his shifty dealings and the leader of the time, Nelolin the Strong, opted to do something about it. Tomnaskan watched his master fall under the Oomoo magic and realised that he was weak, and ineffective. The harder his master fought, the more his body would become mutated.
Whether what befell him afterwards was instantaneous or whether it happened gradually, this tale does not tell. But what is told is that Tomnaskan was taken up to the moon where he saw Dezalaan merge with it, with his gigantic head first appearing and his arms. Nelolin recognised that the sorcery of his people proved useless against Dezalaan and so opted to try something else. He knelt down on his knees and did meditate. Lo! a man like to him made of the earth of the moon appeared from the ground, and as it marched forwards towards Dezalaan’s head, everyone retreated. Dezalaan had already verged into the loss of sanity, and so Nelolin used the man of dirt to destroy his head. Some accounts claim that Nelolin removed Dezalaan’s eyes, the source of his limitless power, for Tomnaskan had betrayed his master by informing Nelolin that his master was nothing without his eyes. Legends claim that Dezalaan started humming the sacred and holy music of the Monks of Wrzngard. Whatever the reason, Dezalaan’s head and arms crumbled to dust in that very moment.
Tomnaskan later relocated to the kingdom of Katak, a vassal kingdom of the Mandeville Empire, where he remained in seclusion, threatening other species to do his bidding, or the entire world would come to an end. No matter how many of his best-laid plans went awry, nothing of the sort occurred. Of his fate, almost nothing is told. What is known is that he went to visit the garden of the Hesperides to steal its golden apples, knowing full well that the apples would prolong his life. This did he eat of, and so his longevity was guaranteed as long as the log survived intact. At the time of his last recorded sighting, where a particularly artistic tourist engraved him, he was six-hundred-and-eighty years of age.
IV
THE GODS
The gods of the World Oak, who are also referred to on occasion as the Lords and Ladies, come in various pantheons, one for every world. There are billions of these pantheons, as there are billions of worlds. Their appearance differs from world to world; in some, they are giants, while in others they are the size of whoever happens to be the species in charge. What they have in common is their ability to bleed golden blood, known as ichor. Most gods tend to be petulant and childish; not only do they hold temper tantrums on occasion, but these tantrums do have an effect on the world around them, whether they want them to or not. However, some deities are relatively nice, provided that their worshippers engage in a classical do ut des arrangement; the worshippers must sacrifice to them, or risk being obliterated, something which the ancient city Zedikan on World Blag found out the hard way when it refused to sacrifice to its patron deities out of ignorance and stupidity. Deities have the ability to grant mortals with limited supernatural abilities, but they can also take them away if they feel the mortal is unworthy of them.
Most deities have no power outside the world that they created and thus subsequently rule over. Only a select few are exceptionally powerful; these are the gods of universal concepts, as opposed to the local deities of said concepts. These include Lord Nix, the god of snow; Lady Aqua, the goddess of water; Eish, the god of fire; Varya-Aphrodisias the goddess of love, beauty and sexuality; Arcuray, the inter-dimensional messenger of the gods and deity of thieves, cutpurses and merchants; and Michē, goddess of victory. These divinities have their residences in the trunk of the World Oak itself. Lord Nix, in particular, resides within a palace-temple where he is catered for by his snowgies, which are tiny little snowmen who act as his flunkies.
Lord Nix and Lady Aqua are different compared to the other gods in that their attitude is generally more progressive. Under his sister’s urging, Lord Nix forbade the snowmen to sacrifice meat to him, in favour of the bread-offering his worshippers still offer up today. Lady Aqua, on the other hand, will accept seaweed as an offering due to her affiliation with the water. Both deities are beloved by the creatures they rule over — for Lord Nix, the snowmen and other snow beings, and for Lady Aqua nereids, river gods, mermaids, sea-beasts, and all others. Both deities are extremely powerful in their own right, but when working in union, are more powerful than any mortal warrior.
Other divinities include:
Choshech: the cat-headed dark god of the underworld. Has been reputed to stalk musicians.
Marlox: German Shepherd-headed god of the sea in the world of Swene. Famous for adopting and training 13 mortal children as a superhero team.
Nalsa: the Great Lioness, creator of the World Oak and head of the entire pantheon.
Chronologos: the god of time.
Aiolos, the Supreme Kai of the Winds. Basically the guy who controls every wind in the world, from the gentlest breeze to the loudest gale.
Meter: Swenish goddess of fertility, wine and parties. Depicted as having the head of a hyena, and to be fond of a skimpy outfit. Whenever she appears, flowers and grapevines grow wherever she walks.
The High Dingo: the dingo-headed patron god of all scarecrows. Father of their lord and saviour, Worzel Gummidge, who died on the fire for their sins.
Verulaemius: one of the two gods of the dwarves.
As far as the history of the gods is concerned, they came into existence just after Nalsa, the Great Lioness, created the World Oak, after which they created every single world on the Oak itself. Afterwards, they fought a conflict with the giants of Jotunheim, which were banished to Muttongard after the events of the conflict, only to return on the coming of the Renaissance. This conflict would later come to be known as the Gigantomachy.
V
OVERCHESTER: A BRIEF HISTORY
Overchester, the most successful city in the world of Lepsomai, was founded by King Dedral of the Heldebrand species in Overchester’s fourth century. Until that point, what was Overchester had been a small hamlet known as Underchester, a not particularly notable area. The gigantic girders were part of the initial urban planning from the beginning, but they were scrapped until twenty years after the King’s death because of the limitations of technology at the time. Upon advancements made by the metallurgist Gadik Scaldin, of the Tamatep species, with the assistance of Vrag, Lepsomai’s native blacksmith god, the gigantic steel tables finally came to fruition. The glass apartments where the upper-class presently reside were later constructed using glass imported directly from the Lepsomite nation of Axehead. As Overchester grew, it swallowed up more and more of the surrounding countryside, as more and more creatures of different species came down to reside in Overchester because of its rapidly expanding markets and industries. Many of them lived in poverty, and still do to this very day.
While the city is no superpower by any means, Overchester went through at least a few wars with the neighbouring city of Atens, home of the philosopher Plonker, yet both wars ended in an inevitable stalemate, followed by coincidental armistice. In Multiversal Standard Year 06041, King Vekta introduced the railway system connecting the various platforms, species having had to walk up the great bridges prior to that particular point in time. He also imposed strict religious laws upon the city, forbidding species to be atheistic.
In Multiversal Standard Year 06755, retired sorcerer Penthon Saleriac moved to the city and founded a small factory, using his various supernatural abilities — namely, his ability to create clones of himself designed to last a day — to great effect. Saleriac prided himself, as a result, on having a workforce which could never be riled up. During this time, King Dersal, a king so incompetent he ended up having to sign a contract to limit his power, after a banking crisis, was on the throne and from the resulting economy crash Saleriac profited immensely. Dersal eventually received retaliation when, or so historical records believed, his advisor Zergon Zagt of the bipedal Nobtbreed species kicked him straight up the buttocks after he distracted him with a “very rude watercolour painting of a steam carriage”. This left the unfortunate monarch in a stupor that lasted many days and nights, after which he spoke in nothing but gibberish for a couple of days after that.
Zagt, according to accounts such as Vardilak, Screlin, and Newtarch, is also said to have hit him on the buttocks with a gigantic frying pan, to have dragged him under the lake and waterboarded him, to have stabbed him some forty-seven times, to have taken him by the left foreleg and thrown him down the stairs, and to have tossed him from the massive steel plate on which the palace rests, accounts which have been refuted by subsequent historians. Dersal eventually killed himself by hitting himself against the walls of his palace, shrieking “CLAWSAW, GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!” following a disastrous attempt at an invasion of Fykor Forest by Sinell Clawsaw, a feline kemonomimi and Dersal’s grand vizier, which depleted the entire royal treasury, which was perhaps a grievously offensive act. Dersal’s successor, King Represal, helped to fix many of the problems that had resulted from this time, and continued to do so the rest of his forty-five year reign.
In Multiversal Standard Year 07000, King Arteso the Timid ascended to the throne upon the death of his father, King Represal, during which he said to have wept uncontrollably, even during Coronation Day, to the extent that everyone in Overchester wept as well, for they could not bear to see their monarch in such a disgraceful state. This is known as the Great Weeping Plague. His cognomen, the Timid, is something of a misnomer, as most historians agree; what is generally agreed on is that he was extremely shy, and he had a stammer which marred his ability to make speeches. So shy was he that an artist had to replicate his face from memory, snout and all, for the propaganda posters. For he barely ever left the Palace. However, what cannot be denied was that he was a good, even competent monarch. Under his reign, Overchester enjoyed the invention of new technology, including golden automata, dwarven-made helicopters, and steam-powered machinery. This period also saw the foundation of Overchester University which, in addition to magic, also teaches literature, sculpture, manga-drawing, and watercolour painting.
More recently, the notorious criminal Zeta Toad, born Frobisher Fisher (a name he deplores) has visited the city and caused more than his fair share of trouble. Zeta robbed the Royal Bank of Overchester of a million Overchester thalers, cut a barge-woman’s arm off, and made off with her tokobreis. However, he first arrived in the city when a gigantic hole in the sky was torn and began work for the local crime lord, Don Quintinia, whose posse do not use revolvers unless they absolutely have to. At a much later point in time, he was tasked with assassinating the King, an action he failed to undertake because the king died unexpectedly of a “Scuttish” heart attack while giving a speech at a drunken party.
VI
CREATURES OF THE WORLD OAK
Creatures on the World Oak are divided into two types: bipeds and quadrupeds; in fact, it is often reckoned, as shown by various censuses that there are more quadrupedal species than bipedal species. Non-humanoid intelligent species are quite common on the World Oak. One example includes the Vunfraen, which resemble a cross between a lion and a dog with a sort of extraterrestrial antenna on the back of their head. However, unlike both species, they have opposable thumbs. The Vunfraen happen to be very powerful in the World Oak, since they have an empire which stretches across at least nine million square kilometres. Others include the Vofrith, which basically resemble a dog but with elf ears; the Gamals, which resemble three-humped camels; the water leapers, which resemble a cross between a frog and a snake; and the Hammerstaff, a sort of vaguely lion-like species.
The Gaddean (pro. Gathean) are a species that somewhat resembles porcupines but with not as many quills and, like the Vofrith, they have elf ears. Because of their innate ability to shoot and regenerate poisonous quills, as well as the ability to breathe excess poison, they are commonly employed as mercenaries or soldiers.
The Ningynung is a little gerbil-like creature that has the ability to cough up an entire black pudding for others to eat. Because of this, it has to be fed anally through a pipe. While you may find it disgusting at first, I fear you may become accustomed to watching it produce black pudding again and again. I also offer up for study, the Phoenix beetle. Like their avian namesakes, phoenix beetles burst into flame when it is time for them to die and are reborn from their ashes.
The World Oak contains various insectoid species, such as the Vazilar, which are a species of gigantic bee, and the Moths, which are essentially gigantic moth creatures that are capable of utilising silk in a variety of ways (unlike their real-world counterparts). The Moths are capable of using silk to make art, but art in their society fills a more religious function. The Vazilar, meanwhile, much like their real world counterparts, produce honey, and unlike them own the distribution rights. There’s also the sceranula, a species of gigantic spider.
Other species include the following:
Schruntlip: a quadrupedal species with the snout of a camel and tentacles for legs. The male is the one who gives birth, similar to seahorses. One of the stranger quadrupedal sentient species that inhabit the World Oak, the schruntlip is also one of the more docile. This species is noted not only for their fastidious habits but also their unusual method of reproduction. While they do still have females of the species, it is normally the male that gives birth, spewing out the infants from his stomerion (combined stomach and womb) in over a second. The schruntlip’s diet largely consists of the humble squimberry and some viscous liquid; if it cannot find any it will die.
Like the other sentient quadrupeds of the World Oak, such as the Vofrith or the Vunfraen, the Schruntlip have had an empire in the past, which fell and collapsed over time. Not much is known about this empire, but it is rumoured that the sacrifice of sentients to appease the gods may have occurred. They are also believed to be related to the Cethra of Altanis (see IX).
The Moktivorgs: the most unpleasant species in the multiverse - not actually evil, but rude, cold, uncaring, selfish, lethargic and Objectivist. They wouldn’t even solve an impending banking crisis without doing tonnes upon tonnes of paperwork, and even if they did, the odds would always be in their favour. The Moktivorgs absolutely detest the notion of culture in general, believing it to be inferior to the so-called “sport” of war. The scream of a Moktivorg has the potential to knock a person out cold for a couple of hours. They govern the Moktivorg Bescendancy on the world of Zenaldian.
The Moktivorgs absolutely detest wizards, both costumed and non, believing them to be pointless freewheelers. Their government is headed by a Krazident, whose power is absolute. The Moktivorg government is based in the city of Nammsusan, which is kept filthy and polluted — irrigation is designed to keep dirt and foul smells in instead of removing them — because the Moktivorg are naturally inclined towards squalour rather than cleanliness. The Krazident is normally selected through a complicated process which involves drawing lots from black eggs in a basket, with the only Moktivorg who finds a white egg being crowned the Krazident. The Krazident normally runs for nine years in office, although they can extend that orbital period to around up to nine terms in office.
Valkarians: a species of wolf-like humanoids with crazy hairdos. They live in a society with woad, berserker rages and running around naked while in battle. They have small settlements across various worlds, and have tried to found an empire in the past, albeit without much success. A Valkarian life expectancy is generally nine-hundred years of age or more; hence, eighty years would be somewhat adolescent to them.
Vylars: a toadlike species native to the Rinceworld.
Wolferines: a quadrupedal species with sort of dog-like appearances and strange tails. They have a society where the aristocracy is depraved as they come, since they are a biological and sociological evolution of alphas.
Unicorns - live in solitude, don’t really trust anyone, are hyperintelligent, but you can’t look at them without going slightly mad. The only world they really live in is the Twilit Forest of Drache, so to be found anywhere else on the Oak is highly uncommon.
Mermaids- dark evil creatures who belong to the family of the eldritch. Mermaids are obsessed with leading unlucky sea-creatures, quadrupeds and maritime vessels to their deaths in the waters. They also appear to have large noses and fins on their backs.
Gnomes- tiny little people, around 2 centimetres in height. They live under a democratic government headed by a president. They are arrogant, puffed up with their own importance.
Kemonomimi: humanoid beings with animal traits. This is an umbrella term for anthropoids with animal traits, both physical and sociological. They came from worlds where they were hunted by giant monsters. Therefore, they developed their large ears - and their animals sense of hearing that goes with them - in order to better sense their predators coming and their tails for balancing on tree branches more effectively. Miscellaneous subspecies include burrowing bipeds, those types of kemonomimi which live underneath the surface of the earth.
HouseFiends - native to World Amulu, HouseFiends normally live in forests. They are known to cut down trees and incise them into planks and build wooden, house-like shells around themselves. This is to lure in unsuspecting prey; namely, they wait for said unfortunates to enter their shells and then eat them.
ii. On the Oomoo and their nature
The Oomoo are believed to have been created by Naatu, the god of black ilex, on World Asthalia, which is where the earliest Oomoo came from. The story goes that he merged darkness with marble and moulded the marble into a humanoid form and when he snapped his fingers, it came to life, and that was how he created the first Oomoo. It is certainly possible that this story actually occurred; the Oomoo certainly seem to believe this is so.
The first Oomoo were in contact with the world originally, and they lived in a forest before some of the quadrupedal non-sentient Vunnimar species, which are distantly related to the veikles, destroyed it by trampling all over it. Therefore, the Oomoo, led by the great Betha the Proud, a handsome Oomoo of good humour and warmth but also sincerity when the moment demanded it, decided to leave the area and go elsewhere. When they approached the coastline, most of them felt they had nowhere else to go, and they wept. But behold, Betha discovered the substance known as cerulian glass, a glass which could withstand the pressures of the sea. Legend tells that he was experimenting one day with sand and what he could make from it and discovered that sand could be used for glass. Therefore, once he parted the waves, he and the Oomoo set to work for several years, known as the Decade of the Temporarily Dry Sea, on their undersea city, with the assistance of the mock turtles and the other sea creatures. At first the Oomoo remained in full contact with the worlds, but the more wars they witnessed the more they wished no longer to be part of it. Their last instance of contact with the multiverse came when they battled Dezalaan, which cost them a great portion of their magic.
The modern Oomoo prefer to spend their days in quiet meditation and the creation of sweet music, which they prefer to produce using a special kind of harp. Competition, of course, is not in their nature. The Oomoo are still a species strong in magic, although it is not common for them to use it nowadays. Physically, they appear as though in adolescence; Oomoo children grow as normal and the physical maturity stops once they reach adolescence. An average Oomoo can live several hundred years or more. The period in which they “wake” is their term for allowing contact with the outside world. They wake when they feel that it is their time to wake, which is always once every century. Although they are long-lived, the Oomoo can still die, or feel the effects of old age. Grief would not necessarily be enough to kill one of them, though, because ordinarily they do not feel it.
VII
ZETA TOAD’S HISTORY
Zeta Toad is one of the most ruthless criminal masterminds in the World Oak. Wherever he goes, he remains public enemy number one, and everyone talks about the time he drugged Prince Zamoth, his blackmail of the Topte Princess and the fact that he broke into the Lupinian musician Videl Dezeem’s place of residence. However, before all that life of crime, he was different.
He was born in a small village in the world known as Rinceworld, where he passed the time away by dancing in the fields. One time, his aunt got so dreadfully drunk that they had to end up sending her to the Moon, with permission from Rinceworld’s native moon goddess. This was intended to quarantine her until she was sober, and by some reason, Zeta ended up being dragged to the moon with her. They say in Muttongard that the moon is made of green (or young) cheese, but on Rinceworld, it is, so Zeta and his aunt were well-fed. They spent some time there, until his aunt recovered, but Zeta was left behind and spent eight years on the Moon, which caused him to develop a hatred for the moon, to the regrettable extent that “ZETA HATES THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNN” became a popular party meme. When Zeta returned to Rinceworld, he discovered no one actually cared about him, not even his own family, so he built a device of sumpent adamantium, and used it to sacrifice two children, releasing a burst of magical energy that broke a hole in the world, thus allowing him to leave.
Upon entering Lepsomai, the adjacent world, Zeta struck a deal with the local mob boss, Don Quintinia, to open a new smuggling ring. This backfired, which resulted in him almost getting pummelled to death. Next, Zeta was in an abusive relationship with the malevolent enchanter Zephyron, who would torment him with a fleshdoll just for the Underworld of it. But Zeta escaped and persuaded Queen Vakara Rotunda, the Bloat Queen herself, to glomp Zephyron to death. After his escape, Zeta fell in with the Bogmen, as they were pirates, he helped them in their raids. After this, he met and fell in love with a beautiful young Valkarian known as Hermaphroditus, a functional drug user, and together they infiltrated the party of a Wolferine countess in order to obtain her key to the Electric Gauntlet of King Offalstan (see XI).
Zeta later retired to a farm, where he kept a labour force exclusively through child trafficking. He was later killed by a troll that just happened to stumble on the farm in a sequence of utterly random events that ultimately led to his highly ironic and very much deserved demise.
VIII
THE TOPTE/MANDEVILLE EMPIRE
The Topte Empire is the better known name for the Mandeville Empire, whose line of emperors have ruled it for almost a thousand years. The Topte owe their success as a nation and a species to their biologically-grown warships, which are alive in a sense, and their fire hurlets, a special type of catapult which can pierce the very edge of the heavens. These warships were being domesticated by their Precursors, the Rebbet, or the Frog-Species, as far back as Multiversial Standard Year 01940 Minus, but they are far more associated with the Topte.
The Topte Empire was originally a small place known as the Trupte territories; it was a land of farmers and shepherds. The head of the Topte at that time was usually a tribal chief or some such individual. However, they discovered the art of matha, that of interdimensional travel, and they had an idea, although not immediately, but some weeks afterwards, of creating an empire. Glanik I. α was declared its first emperor, the Zwob lettering being used to indicate each royal line or dynasty. Under his rule, the empire prospered and grew, albeit slowly.
Emperor Stargun is what saw to the Empire’s continued prosperity. A warrior monarch, he fought on the battlefield directly alongside his soldiers, and even paid out of his own pocket for fire hurlets to be produced. Being an emperor, he could afford to be clothed in more elaborate armour than other Topte soldiers, which is what is informally referred to as his “arse-kicking clothes.” This fancy suit of armour is on display at the Royal Museum unto this very day. Not only was he a proud warrior, but he was also a devoted father to his children, the Princes Nakka, Vameka and Pekrubus (the names themselves derived from the Topte words for one, two and three respectively). He treated them equally, but he did this knowing that it would stave off civil war and the dissolution of the empire. This steely resolve has, among other things, led to the Empire surviving to modern times. Among other things, he also built a lovely little throne for him to sit on. After his death, the three princes took turns at ruling the empire, which was derided by many as quite silly.
Certain legends claim that the Topte were originally quadrupedal, but were given their current bipedal stance by the gods as part of a sick joke. Evidence of this legend manifests in the fact that they have paws (the bones inside which they can manipulate with some effort) instead of hands and that they have large, animalistic sort of ears. The Topte contend with the dwarves when it comes to the development of new forms of technology, such as the acanal carriage or their airships. However, they try to get on with the dwarves and even allow dwarven technology into their cities.
The names of the emperors up to Emperor Vakkit: Glanik. α 1; Marcock. α 1; Glanik. α 2; Stargun. α 1; Nakka, Vameka and Pekrubus. α 1; Mectarian. α 1; Marlot. α 1; Marcock. α 2; Mratha. α 1; Vakkit. α 1.
After this, the α branch of the Imperial bloodline ended, with them having been mysteriously murdered; it is believed that mad cultists plotting to take over the multiverse murdered them, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that the imperial line had degraded by that point. Afterwards, the β line was presently established, and the practice of killing off an imperial dynasty to replace it became somewhat outdated. Emperor Glydrych was the first emperor of the β line; he was the first to use the surname vun Mantheville (meaning “from the moonlight snow”), which would later become associated with the dynasty and corrupted to Mandeville. An absolute tyrant, Glydrych wasted so much money from the Imperial Treasury on fighting wars against the Vunfraen Empire. This is believed to have begun their ancient rivalry and thus accelerated the invention of the Vunfraen war machines. Glydrych was eventually beheaded and there began a four-year interregnum where Arla Klaa, his cousin, ruled in his head. Afterwards, his nineteen-year-old pup (for that is the appropriate nomenclature when it comes to the Topte), Amelas, became the Emperor.
The Topte Chronicle details his reign in a sense, but what it displays is that he was resolved to do better than his father had done. A humble young Topte pup, he was fond of music and wearing fuliginous clothing. Other accounts note that he spoke softly, gently and sweetly, which led to him acquiring an amount of female Topte admirers. He was especially fond of playing the pwentomeria, or the glob-guitar, and composed the songs “I’m Too Big For my House”, “Redtrousers” and “Abelasala (The Topte Valarynome’s Song)”. His music was almost as popular as the swift way with which he handled political disputes. His successor, Zeldus. β 1, skilfully negotiated with the Vazilar Queen — albeit without being disgusted by her countenance — for the distribution of Vazilar-honey across the empire. He also had something of an unhealthy obsession with corn for some reason, as he also seemed occupied with supplying it to the populace of the empire, no matter whether their species even liked corn to begin with.
The emperors of both lines were often the first of their name; in fact, there was a popular joke about how their numbers didn’t progress beyond the double dakins. However, what is largely overlooked by this gag is that Zeldus had both a son and grandson both named after him. Afterwards, Emperor Zeldus. β 4 was crowned emperor at the Vai-Di Festival, the festival in honour of the dragon-headed god of the same name.
More recently, Zeta Toad, that selfsame infamous criminal of the greatest artfulness and resource (see VII) blackmailed the Topte Princess Daliamalia vun Mandeville, one of the two children of the Emperor, into sleeping with him with the knowledge that, if she did not do so, he would reveal that she had been in league with a local bard of the Vunfraen. This ended up accelerating the war with the Vunfraen even further, and Zeta escaped just as soon as they were about to bomb the palace with their chrysalii. Just as he was about to depart, the accounts claim that he locked the Emperor and his court in the dungeon together, gave them an offensive paw gesture and cried, “Goodnight, you frullows. And tell your friends Zeta Toad says hello.” He disappeared just as quickly as he had arrived in the empire. The Emperor eventually escaped through the usage of trickery and guile and narrowly escaped the bombing. Regardless of this, for some bizarre reason, when the blackguard was being tried, Prince Bennith, the Topte Prince and heir, stepped forward to deliver testimony, despite what Zeta had done to his older sibling.
IX
THE CETHRA
On the World Oak, in the world known as Lepsomai, folks tell tales of the Cethra, a species who lived on an island somewhere in the Peaceful Sea which formed an advanced civilisation. Due to the fact that humans do not exist on the Oak and are practically unknown, with only humanoid species and quadrupeds existing, absolutely nobody knows what the Cethra even looked like, for no evidence of it has survived; they have been imagined to be quadrupeds. However, what is known is that the Cethra existed in harmony with nature initially. They rejoiced at the dawn, frolicked in the mimicking of the birds, and the running of the rivers, and the humming of the bees meant as much to them as work and currency mean to us.
According to the Lepsomite philosopher known as Plonker, their civilisation was so successful that they succumbed to a great deal many flaws, namely greed, arrogance, excess and luxury. Therefore, as Plonker says, the gods punished them by causing an unspecified catalyst that sank their island home beneath the sea. However, Plonker’s intentions when writing this story were to warn against the dangers of greed and luxury. Unfortunately, we have no alternate accounts upon which to rely, for most of the records are lost. Some believe that the Cethra lacked the capability for basic literacy, while others still believe that they forgot how to read and write altogether.
Curiously enough, the legend has been translated to our world, perhaps by some ex-universal weirdos who brought it to them. They referred to the island of the Cethra as Altanis; the transition from Lepsomite to Greek gives the modern Atlantis. Only the name, the Cethra, was not translated well, due to the fact that it was hard to pronounce in ancient Greek.
Some accounts claim that after Altanis sank, the last surviving remnants of the Cethra wandered the worlds, and they asked desperately for permission to pass through the Vunfraen Empire. There were only ten of them left at that time, and they sent a messenger oozlum to the Emperor. He refused to allow them to pass through his lands, stating that if they even attempted to, he would personally come out and kill them himself. However, they continued through anyway, and so he went to war against them. Needless to say, compared to the advancement of the Vunfraen Army, the Cethra remnants did not stand a chance. They were all killed in a second.
X
THE MAD HATTER ACADEMY
The Mad Hatter Academy is located only in one of these worlds, more specifically in the world of Logatha, in the Velanian Mountains. Located in the world of Logatha, in the place known as Vofrith-town, former capital of the Vofrith Empire, the Mad Hatter Academy prides itself on producing the finest milliners in the multiverse. Founded in Multiversal Standard Year 0994 by Arnoth Stalfindar, the Academy was named by sheer coincidence due to millinery involving felt at the time. Of course, it took an insane amount of effort and Stalfindar didn’t live to see his school completed. Instead, Veldinar Staltar, his distant cousin once removed, became the Academy’s first headmaester. Hatters such as Zopi Hatr, Tupple Hitrapp and Zamdian Narkwit all learned their craft at the Academy. It is also co-ed, pertaining to all species who inhabit the World Oak. The name does not derive from the Lewis Carroll character, but is derived from the ancient Vofrith formula maedd haethr, which means “good and faithful.”
Arnoth Stalfindar, a Vofrith who was once a member of a mystery guild, also invented a special machine which could assist his work when he placed one paw on a control panel on its surface. A skilled milliner himself, he designed a hat for the Vofrith Emperor himself. Gold it was, with nelith trimming. It was on account of this that the Emperor of the time, Texartus IV, rewarded him by providing him with a grant of around 17,000 janistones (the janistones being both a literal gemstone and the currency used by the Vofrith) to found the Academy, saying that “Talents such as yours do not always have to be unique.” With some reluctance, for he prided himself on his ability to continue to be the best, Stalfindar founded the Academy, and built the headquarters in which it is based. For a while, Stalfindar had barely any luck, for no new students were coming in. Until one day, when, by sheer luck, Dotl Dellâ of the quadrupedal Seldith species offered himself up as the first student. He had arrived in the city, had struggled to find a guild to join and so held that now was as good a time as any to learn a trade. When Dellâ graduated from the Academy, with three years of experience under his belt, he loudly recommended it to just about everyone he met. New students began pouring in from all across the Empire, and Stalfindar became exceedingly rich, so much that he could retire in style to the Moors of Pelthay, where he lived in a cottage for the rest of his life.
In the aftermath of his retirement, Jullik Umbarth was brought in to replace him. A Vofrith of easy virtue, he abused his privileges at the Academy, and let his headregent, Narfone Meff, run things when he was away in other parts of the city, copulating with female Vofrith, and allowing the vanerial tendon from his star shaped bottom to penetrate her vakidun. This negligence on his part led to the students experimenting with and becoming intoxicated with felt. Eventually, he was discovered and replaced by Ornan Byton of the Vofrith species, who handled the Academy better than his predecessor. When the Vofrith Empire was invaded by the Aqaday species, he was the one who held the Academy together, and who fought long and hard for them to continue to make hats for the wealthiest clients.
The Academy’s success was impacted severely by the banking crisis which badly damaged the Vofrith Empire and resulted in its downfall, following the lynching of Malimegas, the Empire’s final emperor. Since then, the Academy was forced to shut down for a while until it had sufficiently recovered. Following this, the Emperor was replaced by a line of kings, and when King Hrebas learnt of the bankruptcy of the Academy, he distributed a grant that stated that the Academy and its assets should be restored. The Academy made a huge comeback, along with everything else under Hrebas’ long and happy reign.
The kings and the boule — the Vofrith word for the town council — still provide a valuable source of governance for Vofrith-town. Under their rule, the Mad Hatter Academy still continues to prosper and attract new students. The Academy building is in an antiquated fashion and due to its incredibly old age, is constantly being maintained and rebuilt. The building, regardless, hosts a variety of different workshops for the new hatters to practice their craft, no matter how many legs they have, because the Academy often finds workarounds for pedal limitations.
XI
OFFALSTAN AND THE WOLFERINES
King Offalstan was born in the Wolferine city of Masvar on World Gradu in Multiversal Standard Year 0842 to King Xartha and his mate Queen Nibba. He was tutored by the philosopher Connitus who he later conspired against with his aunt as part of a scheme (Connitus described it thus: “He killed his dad, he killed his granddad, now he kills his bloody tutor!”). King Offalstan had the Electric Gauntlet commissioned once he had become the king, the Gauntlet later inspiring the Topte invention known as the waistcoat taser. The Gauntlet was made by a mad priest-smith of kemonomimi stock known as Gundolph, who absolutely loved getting drunk on saltwine when he wasn’t working.
The Wolferines under his reign conquered an impressive amount of World Gradu. King Offalstan celebrated with a copulation session at his own mead hall, named Haethral. Here the females lay on their backs with all four of their paws in the air while the males plunged their baculi in their maternal cavities or licked said maternal cavities. Offalstan himself eventually married Falera, daughter of Gal of the species Wolferine, and with her produced four or five Wolferine cubs: Shatha, Jitu, Dekkim and Sloptimos (from the Wolferine counterparts of the numbers one, two, three and four).
Of course, Jitu would eventually have two sons of his own, and boasted about them at a temple service to Xata, Lady of the Blue, a bird-headed sky goddess. Both sons died, and eventually, for some bizarre reason, Jitu ended up being turned into stone. Shatha, the eldest, succeeded his father as king and as alpha for the Wolferines. He is often said to have instituted the aristocracy of the Wolferines.
XII
VALUTH
Valuth was once a beautiful kingdom of farmers, in the world of the same name. The farmers lived for the simple sport of growing vegetables, specifically the humble drunefruit. Nevertheless, the land became blighted. A legend of this time tells of how a son loved his mother so much that, when she died, he came down to the underworld and sang for her release. The son’s name was Ashre and his mother’s name Szanna. After they returned to the mortal realm, Ashre met Princess Rithka and they instantly fell in love and married the same weekend. Ashre thus married into the royal family of Valuth and became the king of Valuth, leaving behind a long line that would end up ruling the entire disc of the world. Redrain, son of Ashre, became a good and wise monarch and led the world into a new age. Under his reign, kemonomimi were given rights after being suppressed for generations, although the half-bestial fools had done nothing to earn it through violent resistance against their oppressors.
Ashre is said to have enjoyed his newfound power exceedingly. He once killed his tutor Hilladd by throwing him from a high window, where he broke his back and died. After his death, his handsome son Penraen succeeded him. After Penraen was unjustly accused of a crime he did not commit and thrown in prison, he turned into a gigantic, golden Phoenix and obliterated everything around him. And all he wanted was the young Princess Dwaliet, who, at the time, was engaged with a young dress maid, to sit up and notice him. He withdrew from the community forever, genuinely ashamed with what he had done, gunned down by the cruelty of other species. He eventually found new happiness with his adopted children.
His adoptive children, son Frannerik and daughter Masfria, enjoyed beating up wizards in all sorts of nasty ways - one even put a wizard called Gundulf in a massive vat of wine. They escaped all sorts of consequences for their actions, as the wealthy tend to do. Frannerik later became a fat, senile idiot with spectacles who was stuck in the past and showed no appreciation for his sons’ artistic talents. He placed so much emphasis on education that he could not see that his sons wanted their talents to be appreciated now, fool that he was! He became dependent on a life support system. As a result of his closed mindedness, his sons lost their artistic passion, although one son, Leanthes, had a daughter named Pandosta. A beautiful, kind and sensitive girl, she was a gifted artist herself, who worked from a desire to make the world a better place than it otherwise would be.
His other son, Tesban, married a girl who had a ferocious temper and they produced really irritating children, who cried so much that they would not shut up, one of whom, Yashu, was abducted and forced to remain a slave in the castle of the Fairy King. The Fairy Redmayne was serving at the King’s castle at the time as a courtier, and she used Yashu to worm her way into power. She increased her influence over time, until she essentially controlled the government of Valuth, which resulted in it becoming a post-apocalyptic wasteland. The Fairy Redmayne also enjoyed sadistic activities such as murdering her unlucky slave and resurrecting him perpetually, and spouting random spells designed to damage the weather. She angered the native weather gods when she did so.
XIII
THE HISTORY OF NAIZRUN
Naizrun, the city that never sleeps, is located in World Barataria. It has hosted a variety of events such as the Maurice Dances of the Pyewackets, and the National Fripperies Awards. Naizrun was first founded by Elos Nellir in the first century of Barataria’s Hellenly Era, that which we call Multiversial Standard Year 3000. Elos was of the Ademaget species, bipedal and with a hoof growing out of his back. His face was ruddy and he had a huge wart covering his right eye. His ears were those of goats, and his nose was flat. Initially intending that only he should reside in the area, to the point where he built a cottage entirely for himself, upon the realisation that if he could survive, then so could others, more and more species flocked to that particular spot.
The first king of the region was King Marnos, of the Zepardian race. King Urgo, the current monarch is a descendant of his, as is his son, Prince Eumachos. Marnos was a simpering little wreck who nevertheless had a fair share of leadership qualities. His successor, King Sert, had a golden cup produced for him with his own name on it in Zepardian characters. Sert was so much in love with art that he forgot to rule the city as a result of this, which led to him being dethroned after the riots. His successor, Stepan, acquired the adder stone which would be passed down through his line after a perilous expedition through dangerous territory in the Twilit Forest of Drache to rescue his mate, the Lady Olympias. After his return, a disgruntled sorcerer tried to kill him but was defeated.
His successor, Dalyen, established a treaty which forbade the species resident in the city to eat each other for resources. The Royal Vegetarian Police was established by him to enforce this rule. He also built Clitton’s Tower, a fortress outside the city which would later become especially useful to the costumed wizards in the area during the New Year’s Riots of the mid fourth-century. He was also an animal lover in some ways, and was the first to domesticate and breed the Taperdamn, a horse with the head of a rabbit.
In Barataria’s fifth century, Glon Abertan, a dwarfish inventor who had moved to the city, received a patent to produce mechanical horses. Glon was inspired by his species’ native designs for the robot emu and the mechanical bull (the latter of which was designed exclusively for the sport of bull-leaping). He also produced mechanical Taperdamns, but the production of these was eventually scrapped due to the lack of available resources to mass produce them. His invention was approved by King Akutok III, the king at the time who would later go on to produce Parvus Castle as an estate for himself.
XIV
THE SCARECROWS
(i) The species
The scarecrows are as you might expect: living pieces of straw bound up in old clothes and rags. Much like the snowmen, they are worshippers of a particular deity and do not worship their makers. The deity they follow is the High Dingo, Lord Abazeb, who, unlike Lord Nix and Lady Aqua, has no relations, except for his “son”, Worzel Gummidge, who allegedly died on the pyre for the sins of his fellow scarecrows. This deity is reputed to be the founder of Famna’s Skinchanger’s Guild. Snowmen in opposition to this myth refer to it as “an absolutely stupid reason for anyone to die.” Despite this, the scarecrows also believe that the first of their kind originated from the sweat of a giant’s armpit. Scarecrows have an intense rivalry with the snowmen, a Cold War situation which dates back millennia, the very origins of which are lost in time but which was escalated by Vanderbilt’s sacrilege (for more information, please see the beginning of Appendix A).
Scarecrows do not have a world to go to, not being as ephemeral as snowmen, but are instead content to form a society within Muttongard and yet separate from it. They worship the High Dingo through their Lord and Saviour, Worzel Gummidge, who was burned on a pyre for their sins. Contact between them and “mortal creatures” -humans as well as animals other than crows — is strictly forbidden under the Statute of Scarecrow Secrecy. They contemporarily exist in an uneasy peace with the snowmen, due to their differences in culture. They have no emperor, because the emperor is elected through popular vote — and every scarecrow votes for themselves. However, how much of this is true or simply snowman propaganda is somewhat unknown.
Unlike the snowmen, who are fascinated by the properties of fire and yet still somewhat afraid of it at the same time, due to not encountering it much, scarecrows are deathly terrified of it, far more than a snowman would be. This may be rooted in the fact that they will be sent straight to the underworld upon death, having no real afterlife of their own. There are rumours of scarecrows forming secret communities under London; however, none have been presently confirmed. Albion, from where the scarecrows’ allies were summoned, is not the only world that produces scarecrows; scarecrows are produced in almost every world, and they come to life after a number of days, following the painting of their faces and eyes.
Scarecrow social events include the Scarecrow Ball, which happens at least once every few years; the Zakadan, a nineteen-day religious festival wherein they worship the High Dingo; and the Avama, a three-day event where they recite poetry that demonises snowmen. Invention and innovation are things that are discouraged by their society, and insecurity is something which often occurs in certain members of the species. That does not mean to say that there are no prominent examples though. Spud Finglewurzel is an example of a scarecrow bard so successful that others wished to name themselves after him.
A number of outside influencers have attempted to end the conflict between the scarecrows and the snowmen; however, none of these have been successful so far. Emperor Aesriun of the Vunfraen Empire, after noticing the battles between the scarecrows and the snowmen in his realm attempted to negotiate between the snowmen and scarecrows, because they were damaging his farmer’s farmlands. Although he believed he had succeeded, the return to the rivalry demonstrates that their compliance with his terms was nothing but a simple ruse.
(ii) Folklore
Challabalooni is a prominent figure in scarecrow folklore. He was said to be so strong that he could snap a crow’s neck and still dissever it from its body, and to be able to jump so high that he could shake hands with the sun. He was often said to be a scarecrow himself — legends describe him as having “the head of an onion, a black longcoat with saffron stripes, and underneath it a black jumper.” Unusually for a scarecrow, he was alleged to have a body made of mortal flesh, which calls his species into question. Challabalooni is also said to have strangled two rattlesnakes who attempted to enter his maker’s farm, tied them into a knot and tossed them far over the field. Challabalooni saved the scarecrows from an evil snowman known as Ubba Rosmursson, who was allegedly an evil sorcerer and user of the I refute it thus technique. Challabalooni killed him by using his attacks against him. He also punched out Prulops Masgarsson so hard that he knocked out a fang of his, which scratched itself as it tried to process what was going on.
Another legend claims that his damosel, Mangrove Glimmtornip, was abducted by another evil snowman known as Eirich the Mad and inducted into his sinister cult. Eirich had been kept alive by black magic long ago by a wolf witch, which had severely scarred his face. Challabalooni killed him by burning his soul, which was located inside him in the shape of a cloud. He also used a duck shaped like a duck.
Challabalooni, despite his amazing feats, was not perfect. He did have a short temper, was quick to anger, and could not stand being competed against by anyone, as evidenced when he lost a race to the female kemonomimi warrior known as Altanta. This drove him crazy with his constant need to be the best, and he ignored his mentor, the centaur Polkus’ warning, “Not everyone in this world can be the best. Chasing an unrealistically high goal is a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment and resentment.” Whenever he felt threatened, he grew increasingly angry and paranoid to the point of refusing to undertake such burdens. As a result, he drove many scarecrows away from him, and ended his life as an outcast. He was destroyed when the bow of a flying ship fell on him which scattered his straw everywhere.
Other scarecrow beliefs include that the appearance of a mysterious beat means you will soon die, and that rabbits defecate cocoa beans. Both beliefs are, of course, incorrect. Nevertheless, they do have other tales to tell. One legend claims that a scarecrow was sailing in a rowing boat one day and heard a mysterious wailing from an island above a weir. Looking around he found a hideously deformed creature which wailed from its pain. The scarecrow killed it to end its misery by drowning it in a lake.
XV
JACK O’ QUANT, HIS APPRENTICES AND VAISRUS
Jack O’ Quant, the greatest wizard of World Amulu, is an Elethen, and the former apprentice of Beliese of the Skolomanze Academy. Jack O Quant was born in Amulu, to an ordinary Elethen father who worked at the arsenal, devising gunpowder for the King’s army. No one knows who his mother is, and he is suspected to have been an Elethen-kakodaimon hybrid; however, since he has no tentacles, it is highly unlikely. Quant showed exceptional talent in magic, so much that he accidentally brought a house to life. The house angrily demanded that its stones be put to rest, but O’Quant didn’t know how, until a wizard known as Myrddin of the Ganet species undid the spell on which he had placed it. At the Skolomanze Academy, which existed before Zogleich University on the same world was founded, Quant studied hard with no time for friends. Yet, with steadiness and resolve, he moved forward. He was in the same year as Mr Cucumber Head, con artist and supposed “Wish Granter Extraordinaire” (who would later become famous for writing magical contracts that would cause misery for the people signing them).
At one point, Quant worked out how to travel to different worlds, and visited the Great Library of Pergamum in search of greater wisdom. Thus was it revealed that he was of spectacular intelligence. He earned his staff at the Academy and later set out recruiting apprentices, as was magical tradition. The wizard monster hunter Archon Stegg of the Ganet species, who Erik and Oriel journeyed with, was one of his apprentices, as was Nithil of the Zappa. Over the ensuing centuries, Quant acquired more apprentices, such as Daka of the Pokyk, Camodulunum of the Schruntlip (although he later had to act as the mid-spouse when Camoldunum was soon to give birth). Quant also befriended the wizard Shempamporash, who would later die and return as one of the not-quite-dead.
Quant opposed the dark sorcerer Zephyron and his apprentices, and fought with him once or twice when he invaded World Amulu intent on destroying its great forests. Zephyron had already convinced the King of Nettin on World Phokys to carry out a genocide of the costumed wizards, all of whom possess no magic powers at all. Quant sent him packing when he cut off Zephyron’s arm, which Zephyron later re-grew, although with some significant effort. The pair battled together using levitation above the plains of Kobileth, and they used blasts of sorcery to an extent that it was often said that it appeared to be nighttime when it was in fact noon. Quant is said to have severed him using the ability of his staff to magically transform into a comically-oversized scimitar.
Quant was a friend of the Wizard Vaisros, a court sorcerer for Princess Vachenar of Tebet, a kingdom in the North-Queastern continent of Amulu. Vaisros was a talented sorcerer but he was extremely unlucky, enduring accident after accident after accident. Vachenar of the Belet species charged him with finding a cure for the Vampiric Plague, which had begun ravishing her kingdom while she was eight-and-a-half-months with child, and she wanted to see that her child remained unharmed. It involved using telekinesis to mix semathian liquid with blood in a bowl. The magical experiment went wrong and mutated him into a monster overnight. When O’Quant entered the room, accounts report that he was horrified at what Vaisros had become. Legends tell that Vaisros took off into the night, smashing his window and leaping over the palace rooftops. Thence, he lived in a distant southern continent of the world, eating whatever he could find, feeling naught but pain and the need to be released. The Plague was eventually resolved by Veryh of the Ganet, a local vampire hunter (many of the Ganet work as monster hunters because, because they can pick up very high frequencies of sound, they can detect monsters from a mile away) murdered the person who was responsible for it. Shortly afterwards, Prince Zedrian was born to Princess Vachenar, having been sired by Prince Yuzukar of the Belet species. At the time Zedrian uncovered the body of Vaisros, he was ten (adolescent in Belet years).
XVI
MISCELLANEA
Rhyss Ivarsson was a dwarf inventor who invented the first robot. When he created the first robot, most creatures scoffed at them as being “motorised lunatics.” However, after the Tyvall East Company agreed to mass-produce them, they became more commonplace on the World Oak.
When the castle of King Catterfield XIV on World Maxa was being attacked by a kakodemon, the grandfather clock came to life and fought with it, sacrificing its own sentience to kill it.
In the world Zenaldian, one of the many worlds of the World Oak, there exists a lake which rises in a dome-like shape above the land around it. How that works is perhaps due to the fact that the god making Zenaldian had the idea, and used his magic to manipulate physics. This lake is known to everyone as Lake Lalotai.
Erik first met Ragnar when he was being mocked by his fellow snowmen for his small height. Ragnar could not defend himself at the moment, so Erik stepped forward to defend him, using the I refute it thus technique on a particularly arrogant snowman known as Sebastiano. It took Lord Nix to sort out the dispute. Ragnar, when he returned, is known to have yelled, “Hear me, snowmen! No longer am I the weakling you knew! I am boundless and immortal, the multiverse bows to me. I am emperor!”
Perekrin Penkrin is a rival with Damontrius Hermanios for the affection of Oktavia, a young lass of the Avien species. Both feel that they are entitled to her; Damontrius because of his handsome demeanour. Whenever they meet in the streets of Overchester, it usually results in blows. Perekrin first met Damontrius when he arrived in Overchester from the Poles nearly twenty years before. He was walking through the street when he spotted a muscular young Avien walking through the streets, who, of course, turned out to be Damontrius. Of course, they could not have predicted that they would come to blows.
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