Tuesday, 28 December 2021

Written Rap Battles of Literature: Fiver vs Sibyl Trelawney

 PROFESSOR TRELAWNEY

If this weakling wants a war, it's a war he shall get!

In terms of who's a better psychic, I've no cause for regrets

Born the runt of the litter, you can't fight to save your life

And yet somehow, you wound up bagging a wife!

Your seizures and dreams pale in comparison to me

On the 26th of October, the Black Rabbit will come for thee

So stay away from me, familiar stranger,

Or else you will be in grave danger!

FIVER

Silflay hraka, you demonic lass

I don't need a pocket watch to kick your arse

Your prophecies are a joke, devoid of weight

So - get out! - at least my rhymes are doing great!

I prophesied the destruction of Sandleford Warren

You ended up fired at the hands of a bitchy moron!

Without Dumbledore, you'd be nothing, you chive

You need to get out of Hogwarts and get a bloody life!

PROFESSOR TRELAWNEY

I'm so sorry, dear boy, was that a verse? Must've dozed off

That being said, your verses make me laugh! You're alone

Even your warren doubts your prophecies till it's too late

Even your gender politics are long out of date!

Hrairoo me old man, you're long in your grave, you

Your film is better, and even Netflix couldn't save you.

FIVER

You can leave now or you can be destroyed

This bunny ain't something with which you can toy

Call me Nick, when I steal your artistic integrity

Like your authors, when she compromised her levity.

Keehar and Hazel would really like a word

Cos in terms of magicks, you're utterly absurd!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

WE'LL SEE!


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