Written Epic Rap Battles of Literature - Gerard Way vs J.R.R. Tolkien

WITTEN EPIC WAP BATTWES OF WITERATURE

GEWAWD WAY

VERSO!

J.R.R TOLKIEN!

INCIPITE!

JRR TOLKIEN

I am to battle this neophyte? Don’t be daft.
A writer and a rockstar? Don’t make me laugh.
In book sales, you have fared even worse
Than GRRM- looks like you’re cursed!
I read your comic; it’s naught but insanity
With nothing insightful to say about humanity.
Not one instance of metaphor or addresse.
Not even worthy of an academic essay.

GERARD WAY
Hands off my Academy, you shade
Or I’ll slice you with my bow
and send you to the Black Parade.
I was born with the ability to write
In my teens, my work wasn’t shite.
It wasn’t my fault my band rocked.
You couldn’t even become hot.
You were adopted by a priest - lame!
Lost your girlfriend - shame!
You have the most complicated name!
Reuel? Who the hell is Reuel?
At any rate, what did you ever do-el?
You never wrote scripts, or had a Netflix series
Your art is good, but not quite serious.
Your estate’s uncompromisingly strict about interpretation
Your elf stories ended up boring the academic nation.
I can’t understand how you stood this tall.
Now I’m grown, I can make you NOTHING AT ALL!

JRR TOLKIEN
I fought for my life in the trenches of the Somme
You couldn’t even care less about Vietnam.
Your characters are idiots, your artwork is crap.
You’re an emo fop who knows nada about rap.
I studied medieval literature, you aren’t even educated.
I’m still going strong, at least I’m not dated.
Go perish in the apocalypse, with the rest of your buffoons.
Or I’ll bring back your dad and send you to the moon.

GERARD WAY
You’re frowsty and old, you’re utterly wack.
At least I have the better bars here, you hack.
Even ten years later, emo kids worship me.
Everyone else only saw your movies.
Compared to zombie Eiffel, your Sauron’s nothing.
Maybe I’ll use Martian gorilla serum or something.
Mother War sends her deepest regards, you grandiose Brit
Because your archaic writing style is a pile of shit.
You overcomplicate characters and lore
I just lay back and let the audience want more.
Go spend ten years locked in a cell
Or I’ll send Hazel and Cha Cha on you as well!

JRR TOLKIEN
You think your wimpy assassins can scare me?
Just you wait until the Ringwraiths come for thee!
CS Lewis can send some reinforcements
Your comic resorts to product endorsements!
You’re a Dark Horse if ever there was one.
Now get back in the Sarlaac pit you scum.
You think you can beat The Lord of the Rings?
Forever and always, I Return as the King!