Hello, chaps! On this post, I shall be serialising my latest poem, my epic poem the Epic of Vanderbilt the Tyrant!
CANTO ONE
The tyrant - sing, goddess - of the tyrant,
Vanderbilt cruel-hearted, who the world
Of snow did rule with Estyrian iron-fist.
Dangerous his power, great his insanity
Evil as the portrait of his crumbling self.
It began with a quarrel, a quarrel between
The prior snowmen, as they arrived in the
Snow world, and set up residency. Tell me,
Muse, the causes of their quarrel. What
Esteemable misery could these snowmen have.
But listen, for Nix who guides the stars arrives,
Sailing down from the sky like a shooting star
When it sails through the sky, burning,
Leaving behind a trail of light in its wake,
So too does Father Nix land in the world,
The world his mighty hands forged.
“What be the matter, my children?
Do you not appreciate the effort I put in
To craft this magnificent world for you,
By my own hand and no one else’s.
Come, children, tell me your sorrows,
For any problems you have you can
Always bring to me. Any palaver
I will do my best to solve.”
So he spoke, and Zarolith of the snowmen answered:
“O great lord, you who we worship with all our hearts,
And who we cannot live without - for the rat-like
Men of Muttongard can fast perpetually in the dark-
We are lost. We will not deny your dominion, but
We have no earthly representative of your radiance
To guide us. Therefore, like all other nations and species
We want a monarch - either a king, or a queen, like those
That the blue bottle flies have. Can you grant us this?”
So he asked, and Lord Nix the cumulus-gatherer was silent,
For he had crafted the snow world with his hands,
The luminaries, sun and moon bursting from his anus,
So that the snowmen would live without fear of government
On Muttongard. Therefore, to think the matter over, he
Flies through the Hyperborean vacuum of the void,
In which the Oak that contains all the worlds sits
Until he passes into the world of Xalian, that place
Where the centaurs do drink and bed comely wenches
Until he reaches a magnificent beach, where the surf
Sounds against the seashore. The cliffs here stand
Tall as Atlas of Muttongard or Vakkanar the Vofrith,
One of the two Vofrith brothers who founded the
Great empire of the Vofrith, who fortune favours e’en
To this day. Like a wall that stands around a prison
Tall, foreboding and rough, preventing all hope of
Escape from the prisoners, so too does this cliff stand.
Atop it stands a magnificent palace, whose walls are made
Most entirely of glass, upon which Helioz shimmers as he
Draws his chariot across the sky. One tower is a minaret,
Made of glass, but which hath curtains around it, for this
Is a special room which no mortal null can penetrate.
The other towers stand gleaming in the sun like Gerth
And they would all seem to be entirely crafted of windows.
Here the goddess of the water, bubbly Aqua, resides,
She who controls all waters and wine-dark seas in all worlds.
So then does Lord Nix fly up to the great door of this palace
That which is engraved with various scenes from the world
On one panel, one sees Nalsa, the great lioness, birthing
The magnificent Oak, she who all the gods call mother,
It emerges from her chest as she reclines on the ground,
Sprouting high to the top of the panel. The next is that of
Aqua’s birth: where Nix came into existence just as he is
She emerged from the privates of Armaloth, which fell in
That primordial realm she rules. Therefore, it depicts her
Standing atop the sea, just newly created, as the beasts
Of the sea joyfully dance around her, for they know that
She hath come to guide them from chaos. The third panel
Depicts the gods creating each world: when the Oak was
Birthed, it had no worlds upon its branches. Therefore the gods
Created each glowing orb atop each branch they stand upon.
The fifth panel depicts Lady Aqua crafting her palace out of
Thin air. Admiring these scenes and knowing perfectly well
What they were, Lord Nix knocks on this magnificent door,
Which opens by itself. Therefore, with a sigh, godly Nix
Enters the palace.
